well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It's blow job season.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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