I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
