They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
