So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
