Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
