i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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