Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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