you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
