she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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