just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
