I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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