dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
