I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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