I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
