you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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