You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
