What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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