Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
