the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
