I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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