Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
