she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
