He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
