Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
