Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
