Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
