He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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