3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
