I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
MIDGETS
????
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
