the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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