Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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