Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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