Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
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