If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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