Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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