All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
