I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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