"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
