well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
