she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
