dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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