I hope mine doesn't look like that
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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