i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
