I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Get your heels and tits on! Iām not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
