So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
