i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
