my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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