i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
