he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
