Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Life is so much better after having sex.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
