If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
