Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
