Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
