gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My penis needs a shock collar
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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