And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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