Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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