its not stalking. its research.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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