I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
