Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
