Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
